'Comparison is the Thief of Joy'
- Feb 17, 2023
- 4 min read
- Theodore Roosevelt
Do you ever feel like you're doing okay then go on social media, see others (seemingly) doing better or doing something more exciting and suddenly feel like you're not doing enough? That's exactly what happened to me yesterday.
I woke up relatively early for my Thursday afternoon class (compared to other Thursdays this semester), got ready on time, had breakfast, stretched a bit and did work + I've been feeling more productive as of late so I was feeling alright. Took a little break before leaving for my lesson and watched someone's morning routine - then the comparison started. I saw how pretty she is, how nice her body is, how she woke up earlier, had a good routine going, exercised, could afford more and how she was already somewhat successful at around my age while I struggle to make better habits, get a routine going and am overall doing average or even below (*in my opinion.. but I'm trying!). It ruined my mood for a bit to be honest - and this wasn't even the first time. While I've slowly improved on this a bit, I still tend to compare myself too much to others and end up feeling bitter, discrediting myself and beating myself up. This might sound ridiculous to some people but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has moments like this.
Growing up, I would be compared to others by people around me which caused me to pick up on this bad habit, develop self-doubt, never feel good enough and invalidate my own feelings. I lost a lot of confidence and motivation to try new things or take risks because I grew even more afraid of failure, embarrassment or rejection than I already had been without comparing myself. I was ashamed of myself for being down because "others have it worse". But I don't really blame those people who compared me to others.. They mostly had good intentions and were probably just trying to motivate/uplift me.
I can't remember exactly when it got so bad but I feel like I was in this negative headspace for yeaarrrss :") Back then I wasn't really the best at regulating my emotions either, so I kept pouring my feelings out - and as much as I was a decent person to be around, I was also admittedly a very negative person to be around. And I hated myself for it. FOR YEARS.
I think my mindset only started to properly shift when I broke up with my first (and relatively long-term) boyfriend in 2020. I literally spiralled. It was the lowest point in my life thus far LOL. By then, being so negative had become an addiction and that trigger led to an overdose which was ruining my life while ironically feeling comfortable because it was what I was used to. But at the end of 2020, it was so bad I knew I had to stop. I went to get proper help for a while and somehow (thankfully) convinced myself that it's okay to take baby steps. To be fair, I did get better with the comparing from even before this point but that was more externally (to others) than anything I guess. Anyway, how I deal with it, and a lot of other negative emotions actually, is by:
Doing more - in terms of productive activities like reading, going out on walks/with friends, exercising and doing work but also in terms of doing more for others like donating or helping someone in need - because being productive is satisfying and helping others is heartwarming.
Looking elsewhere - shifting focus to something interesting in my immediate surroundings to counter the negative thought with curiosity or admiration instead (I really love looking at the sky and nature but honestly any other random thing works too).
Expecting less - reminding myself that I'm not entitled to anything in this world so I shouldn’t expect so much and even if I do put in the work for something, I should do so genuinely and not for anything in return.
Being grateful - the fact that I'm not entitled to anything also means that everything I do have is a privilege and I should acknowledge that and be more grateful for it.
Remember that beauty/success is not mutually exclusive - it can exist simultaneously and in many different ways. One's beauty/success is not the absence of your own.
While I still get affected by comparison sometimes, I know better now how to deal with it. Though some days are worse than others, I just tell myself to not let it keep me down for long. If you struggle with similar experiences of comparison and negativity, I hope this post makes you feel less alone and encourages you to keep trying to feel better. Just remember there are BILLIONS of people in the world and an endless variation of livelihoods, personalities and experiences - no one is created the same and every one's story is different so it's not fair to compare when the context is different. Sure, there are bound to be people "better/worse off", but either way, everyone has their own struggles - many people just don't show it or deal with it differently, especially on social media. I also want to say that as long as you keep trying, no matter how small the effort, I believe you're doing great.
P.s. here's a little visual note for you before I go <3
THANK YOU for reading up to this point if you have. I hope it was an enjoyable read and that you'll maybe stick around for another. Follow me on Instagram @aishaashraffx and TikTok @aish.y if you'd like to be more updated too :) Anyway, I appreciate the visit and wish you well!
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